Get it Right...

So it is said, "everyone makes mistakes"; But there are some things that you honestly don't mean to do, but in reality... you can never take them back. No matter what you do. First it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and telling someone what you did will only make it worse... but then it gets out, and everything comes crashing down. Then you ask yourself; "should I have just put everything out there?" "are things ever going to get better?" They say you should live life with no regrets but what if you do? Does that make you human or just... bitter in a way.

I just want to feel as if what I do will always be considered "good enough" but the thing is, I have to feel good enough before someone can honestly make me think I am good enough. We all have that moment or thought of giving up... but we honestly just have to take into consideration that life is never going to be fair... there are going to be times where you will NOT get what you want. There will be times when you have regrets... but with those regrets you learn something, and most the time, you will NEVER repeat the actions that caused those regrets.

I never meant to hurt anyone with what I did, but in reality... I ended up hurting everyone close to me, including and foremost the person I truly cared about the most. I wanted to fix things... but I knew with everything out in the open I just had to take it in and realize that God would never put me in a situation I couldn't get through. I had to accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair but that doesn't mean I should give up or stop caring about anything and everything that was real to me.

I did what I could, I'm still in the process of forgiving myself... as well as proving to people that what happened wasn't intentional... I know one thing for sure though. I've definitely learned my lesson, my faith is always something I have to look back on... and I will never ever give up on myself or what I believe in for as long as I am here. The pain I put myself through made me understand things I never really stopped and thought about or in general; took advantage of...

this blog goes out to my wonderful boyfriend; you mean the utmost world to me... I don't know how many times it will take to get it right, but I know you will always be there for me... threw thick and thin. You are my one and only and I love you with my whole heart and more.

9/26/08<3