I've noticed it's a lot harder to sleep when your constantly in the process of thinking about how things use to be or just the generalization of thinking about anything and everything that happens to cross your mind at the moment. I guess I'm just noticing how BIG the little things in life are... I've always told myself it's the little things that count but in reality I don't think I really understood what the "little things" were until now, for sure I understand what they are... the supposed "little things" make every thing seem so small...
My emotions lately have literally been swallowing me whole, I'll admit that I'm starting to get back to my old self; Happy. My life is now in my hands, and I know that love is what I've always wanted the most, I don't care about materialistic items or the "newest trends" or trying so damn hard to get people (who never will) to like me. I've always put people before myself and I think now it's about time I work on myself and think about what really matters to me, right now I'm focusing on getting happy again, completely happy, not just sort of happy.
Someone once told me that I live in this fairy-tale world and and because of that I will never get that happy ending people (like me) long for. I always tried to find the good in the bad, I use to be optimistic and think highly of myself and others. Then mistakes happened, people walked out, and I was literally left alone... no one to talk to, no one to listen to me, just me... by myself. I was miserable... I felt lifeless and still in a way; kind of do...
I promise myself and other that things are getting better. I honestly believe that too, I've regained relationships and am trying to prove to myself and others that no matter what, I will never go back to that part of my life for as long as I live. No longer will I be dreaming with a broken heart nor will i ignore my real feelings because I'm afraid of what others might think about me. How can someone like you if you don't like yourself... If reinventing yourself is you "solution" to your problem, you should probably consider FINDING yourself before you RECREATE yourself. You never know, you might actually like what you find.
Don't ever, ever give up on yourself or something or someone you love. They say once one door closes another one opens... all it needs is time. If you're anything like me, time will seem like the worst part about everything at that moment, but I'll give you this... time literally is the best thing you could ever have... it makes messes clean again and sometimes it even makes problems or certain situations "go away".
So as I lie awake today, without sleeping again... I will say my prayers and thank God for everything in my life at the moment; Good or bad. Because I know they both are happening for a reason and God would never give me a situation or problem I couldn't get threw or over...
So goodnight or good day? However you look at it:)
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